Your Marriage Is No Longer Working?

When two people walk down the aisle, they make promises to each other. To love each other in pain and in gain, happiness and sadness and all the other vows that they take. They hope that the marriage succeeds.

But, what is in the promises, that there will be the hard times as well as the good, will tell you not to expect an easy path.

Later you may start noticing that the partner you married is not themselves anymore. At least not the self as you saw them at the beginning of the relationship.

Now you notice some behaviors that you do not like. This can lead towards you starting to dislike your partner.

This begs the question; when should you get a divorce?

Are these signs that you should get a divorce?

Things do not happen by themselves; someone or some people have had a part in making them happen. If you are a husband or a wife and you start noticing some of these signs, then you could be considering divorce. Or some other path of action

When Couple’s Therapy is not working anymore.

When couples go to therapy, they have agreed that their problems are too big to solve by themselves.
If you start therapy, but then your partner bails out or starts skipping sessions, you may feel it shows that your problems are irreparable. At this point, you may think you should get a divorce.

One of the partners suddenly does not want to start a family.

Before you got into marriage, chances are high that you talked about starting a family. If suddenly one of the partners is “not ready” to start a family after you get married, and there are no talks of what names you will give to your babies, then that is very challenging. Someone’s interests have grown low, and they may be considering a way out. Divorce can seem the way out.

When you cannot hide contempt for your partner anymore.

There may come a time, whether as a husband or the wife when you cannot bear the sight of your partner anymore. The contempt grows so strong that you cannot hide it in front of your children.
At this point, for the safety of you and your partner, it is not a question as to whether you should hold on to these feelings, it’s a question of how soon can you take action to change things.
Divorce will likely come to mind as one way to change things.

Where to from here?

When things do not work out in marriage, the first option is to look at the situation and see if the situation can be fixed. But when it gets to the extreme, like in the instances described above, divorce may seem the only cure.

If abuse is present, then take urgent action. Here are resources available that can be the next step or talk to a professional you can trust.

But what are your options? Is to divorce or not to divorce the only way to frame the question in these circumstances?

Thinking “if I don’t divorce I will never be happy so either I divorce and be happy, or I don’t divorce, and I will be totally miserable” can be a flag that you are stuck in “black and white” thinking.

This “black and white” thinking can be the way that someone approaches most of their thinking. So consider if this type of thinking is in play beyond the question of whether to get a divorce or not. It may even be part of the problem that is leading to considering a divorce.

The relationship expert Jerry Wise explains “black and white” thinking in this video:

So consider the possibility that divorce may not be the option to be studying now.

Open yourself to other possible solutions.

Getting advice from an expert can help you step outside your current thinking. You may come back to the same question of whether to divorce or not, but it will be a more informed question.